Trust Your Heart Read online

Chapter 6

  Amelia froze in the middle of a crochet stitch. “Who did you say is calling, Mariah?”

  “A Yankee major, Ma’am. He said his name is Major Hawthorne.”

  Amelia looked at Jo Beth. “Do you suppose it’s Joshua? What should I do?” Her heart drummed a staccato beat in her throat. Goodness, what a morning. First her demented mother-in-law spit on her and accused her of murdering Clayton. Now Joshua Hawthorne had come to call.

  Jo Beth rose and moved to Amelia. “You should receive him, of course. I think he’s come all the way to New Orleans to see you.”

  Amelia resisted Jo Beth’s extended hand and remained seated. “We don’t know why he’s in New Orleans. He is in the Union army. Surely he’s here on government business.” I don’t think I can see him today. What would I say to him? Why did he have to turn up now?

  Jo Beth allowed no refusal. She pulled Amelia up from the chair. “You won’t know until you see him.”

  “How does he even know my married name?”

  Jo Beth pushed her gently forward. “Why don’t you ask him?”

  “But he stopped writing. I . . .”

  “Go see him. You know you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

  “But I look so bad, so old and tired.”

  “You look fine,” Jo Beth pulled her to the doorway. “Don’t keep the man waiting.”

  Amelia smoothed the skirt of her plain black dress. It’s all right for my sister-in-law to say I look fine. What will Joshua think? Will he even recognize me? She stiffened her backbone and lifted her chin. It doesn’t matter what he thinks. I am through with love.

  She started to the door when Mariah stopped her.

  “Before you see him, Ma’am, I have to warn you. Dougie called him a ‘damn Yankee’ to his face.”

  Amelia shook her head. “He gets that from his grandmother. I wish she wouldn’t say such things in front of him. It does not matter. Thank you for telling me, Mariah.”

  Amelia waved Mariah aside and opened the door.

  “Hello, Major Hawthorne.” She managed to say the word, though she could barely breathe. It is Joshua. How handsome he is still.

  Joshua looked surprised but very pleased to see her. His smile was broad, lighting his face, making his blue eyes crinkle. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her. “Amelia, thank God I found you! I didn’t know you’d be here, though I hoped you would. I came to ask Mrs. Wilcox if she knew your whereabouts.” He hugged her tighter still.

  Amelia wanted to melt in his arms. It felt so safe. All of the memories, the hopes, and the dreams came flooding back. She wanted him more than she wanted to breathe. No, he will disappoint you again. Remember he abandoned you. She pushed away from him, holding him at arm's length, a frown on her face.

  It isn’t right for us to embrace. Too much has happened. I can’t trust him any more than I could trust Clayton. The safety I feel in his arms is just an illusion. I cannot let him trick me. “I am Mrs. Wilcox. Please come in.”

  “I thought Mrs. Wilcox was your friend.” He handed his hat to the maid.

  He’s got gray hair at his temples. It looks good on him.

  “I can see how you became confused. I married Jo Beth’s brother, Clayton Wilcox.” She led the way into the formal salon.

  “He’s a lucky man.” The smile vanished from his face.

  “Please sit down. Mariah will bring us some refreshment. Would you prefer coffee or tea, Major Hawthorne?” Amelia sat opposite from him in the elegant settee.

  “Coffee will be fine, thank you.” He sat stiffly, as if they were strangers.

  After all this time and all that’s happened, perhaps we are strangers. There is no telling what he has seen or how many battles he has fought. Undoubtedly he is as scarred by his experiences as I am by mine.

  When Mariah left to get the refreshments, Dougie ran into the room. He stopped when he saw Joshua and then ran to his mother.

  “Mama! Mama! Damn Yankee!” He pointed his finger.

  Amelia gently took his hand. “Douglas, that’s not polite. I don’t care who you’ve heard speak those words. It is wrong to say such things. Tell the major you are sorry.”

  The little boy’s lower lip jutted out and he shook his head from side to side emphatically.

  “Douglas,” his mother said in a quiet but firm tone. “Major Hawthorne is a friend of mine. He is a good man. Tell him you are sorry.”

  “Sorry.” The child spoke in a whisper, his eyes on the floor.

  “Now, that’s my good boy.” She took him on her lap. “I’m sorry for my son’s behavior.” She glanced at Joshua. “He repeats everything he hears these days.”

  Joshua smiled. “I’ve heard much worse from some of the adults since I’ve come here. It will take time for the people to reunite.”

  Mariah came in with a loaded tray and put it on the table in front of Amelia.

  “Thank you. Dougie, you run along with Mariah now. I’ll come check on you in a while.” She turned to Joshua. “How do you take your coffee?”

  “Black is fine, Ma’am.”

  Amelia looked at him in surprise as she held the silver coffeepot. “I think it’s permissible for you to call me by my given name. We have been friends for a long time.” She handed him a cup of coffee.

  “Your husband might not like it.”

  She looked away. “I lost my husband over a year ago.”

  “I am sorry for your loss,” his voice was appropriately low and serious. His expression was lighter than it had been as his eyes twinkled.

  She sipped her coffee. I cannot believe he found me. I wonder why he is here. “Why did you come to New Orleans?”

  He looked at her for a moment. “I came to find you.”

  Amelia could feel her face warming. Surely that cannot be true. She laughed briefly, a brittle chuckle. “I think you’re teasing me. Did you come on Army business?”

  Joshua smiled. “I am here to observe and file a report to General Grant on conditions here.”

  “You know him?”

  “I’m on the general’s staff. He knew how much I wanted to come to New Orleans as well as the reason why.”

  Amelia’s jaw dropped. “You told him about meeting me?”

  “Not by name, but he knew there was a certain young lady in New Orleans.”

  She put down her coffee cup. “I don’t understand. If you were so interested in my welfare, why did you stop writing to me?”

  “I didn’t stop. You didn’t write back.”

  “I did not write back because I never received any more letters from you.” Amelia stared at him. How dare he? He never answered my last letter. He is just as deceitful as I thought. It’s a good thing I don’t trust him.

  Joshua reached into his pocket and pulled out the miniature. “This came with your last letter to me. I wrote you three more letters after I received it. But you never answered any of them.”

  “I didn’t know what to think. I was so hurt when I heard nothing more from you.” Careful, he is a skilled manipulator. I’ve had enough pain, no more not even from the man I love.

  He hesitated before responding. “At first I thought the war interfered with the mail and you didn’t get my letters. That’s what I hoped, anyway.” He looked at the miniature. “I carried this with me through all these years. It became my lucky charm.”

  “Oh Joshua, I … it’s too late for us. I married someone else.”

  “Why would you believe that? You’re no longer married, and we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us.”

  Amelia shook her head and refused to look at him. I cannot let him hurt me again. No matter what he tries, I will not allow him too close.

  “I brought you something. It’s what helped me find you.” He held out the jeweler’s box. “Please take it.”

  “I cannot. It is not proper.” She pushed his hand away.

  “Just look at it, Amelia. It isn’t what you think.” He nodded to her when she looked at him. “Please jus
t see what it is.”

  She took the box and held it. She contemplated if she should open it. It won’t hurt to look inside.

  Amelia opened the box and her hand flew to cover her mouth. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at Joshua. “You shouldn’t have done it.”

  “It’s your grandmother’s ring, isn’t it? When I saw it, I knew it was yours. It belongs to you.”

  Her tears turned to sobs. “You don’t understand. I had to sell it. We need the money. It’s the only thing I have left to sell. We need to get to my sister’s home in St. Louis.”

  Joshua moved to the settee to sit beside her. He pulled her into his arms. “Shhhh, there is no need to cry. I’m here now. I’ll take care of you.”

  Oh no, you will not! I’ll not fall into that trap a second time. Amelia fought her way out of his arms and hurried to put some distance between them. “I don’t need your help.” Between hiccups, she balled her handkerchief in her hands. “We’re going to St. Louis. It’s all arranged. My sister wired that she’d be glad to have us.”

  She tossed the ring box back to him. “Take it. You paid for it. I don’t want it. I sold it to buy the tickets to St. Louis and pay our expenses en route.”

  “Amelia, please let me . . . .” he did not complete the sentence.

  “No,” she shouted at him. “I do not need your, or any other man’s help, for that matter. My husband thought I was a china doll to be protected.” She faced him squarely. “He hid the truth from me about our situation until it was too late and left me to clean up the mess. I will never be put in that position again.” Amelia moved to the hallway and picked up his hat.

  “As interesting as this afternoon has been, it is time for you to leave, Major.” With a quivering hand, she handed the hat to him. “I am not that girl you remember and can never be again. Too much has happened. Now if you will excuse me, please.” She opened the front door. She waved her hand at the porch and glared at him. “Good day.”

  But inside, she was dying. Please go before I do something foolish I’ll regret, like beg you to stay, and fall into your arms. I have to be strong and think only of my son.

  “Very well, Amelia, I will leave.” Joshua towered over her in the doorway. “But this is far from over. You have my word on that.” He barely cleared the threshold when she slammed the door behind him.